Intentional Well-Being Podcast Ep1 - Meghan Watson
Welcome to the inaugural episode of The Intentional Well-being Podcast. This is very personal for me. I give you insight into why therapy is important for me as a social justice advocate, mother, yoga teacher and black woman.
In this episode, I talk to my psychotherapist, Meghan Watson, about what it means to take care of our mental well-being during and post-pandemic. Why are Black Folks hesitant to seek therapy, what does that mean for our communities, and why does therapy does a body good.
We learn about the importance of well-being and actionable steps for creating opportunities for healing and growth.
I hope you enjoy this experience.
More Ways to Study With Dianne
Speaker 1:
[inaudible] Hey everyone. Welcome to the intentional wellbeing podcast. I’m your host, Dianne Bondy . And I did something super personal today in this podcast. It’s really going to be exploring what intentional well-being means. And as a black woman, intentional wellbeing is almost a loaded phrase. How can I be intentional in how I show up in the world and investing in my own wellbeing is important, right? Because if I don’t invest in my own wellbeing , I can’t be here for anyone else. So today I’m letting you into my personal life with our inaugural podcast, with my therapist, Megan Watson, Megan Watson is a registered psychotherapist who focuses on supporting people who are experiencing struggles with their moods, anxiety, eating disorders, which is a big one because we don’t see a lot of black women or black therapists in the eating disorder space. That’s something that I experienced. Uh, also , uh , she works with body image, which is right up my alley. And what I love about working with Megan is she’s warm and she’s thoughtful and she’s the best. And this is the first time in my life that I’ve had a black woman as a therapist, as a psychotherapist. And I believe in therapy. Let me tell you , uh, she’s also from the same place I’m from she’s , uh , from Barbados, she has a master’s in mental health counseling and behavioral medicine from Boston university school of medicine. And she’s worked as a therapist, both in the U S and Canada for the past six years. What I love about Megan is she’s experienced working with anxiety disorders. Um, the LGBTQ I , a community she’s helped with gender affirming health care , uh, relational psych , uh , psychotherapy and treating PTSD. So I love that she is a relational cultural therapist driven by connection and community and her, and she’s so authentic. So I feel like she’s the perfect person to kick off this podcast. So without further ado, let me introduce you to one of the people that helps keep me grounded in this space, my therapist, and dare I say, my friend, Megan Watson.
Speaker 2:
I’m so glad to be here. I mean, we get to see each other professionally because of the work that we do, but it is just so lovely to see you shine and to see all of the work that you’re doing, uplifting the community, and really just teaching people about how to be well, it’s really inspiring. I’m humbled. I’m happy to be here. Thank you so much.
Speaker 3:
Thank you so much. I am so thrilled to have found you in my life. Uh, we started talking kind of just really casually over Instagram, I think was over Instagram. And , uh , then I had noticed that you were local to me, meaning that you were in Canada and in the, I reside in not necessarily like down the street. And , uh, I had been wanting to come back to therapy for quite some time. I’d been in therapy on and off , uh, since my , uh, early twenties. Um, I was in my late , my late teens, early twenties, and I find that it’s been this incredible place for me to unpack my feelings for me to get context around , um , you know, my past in order to, or my future. Uh, it’s helped me in my marriage. I’ve been to marriage counseling. I really believe in therapy. And I know that that’s not always the case for people who look like us like therapy, someone who , um, is actually looked down upon. And we’ll talk a little bit about that in the podcast, but before we get, before we go anywhere, I want it . I’m asking everybody this question on the podcast to you, what is the difference between wellness and wellbeing ?
Speaker 2:
That is such a great question. And, you know, thinking about that really makes me want to delineate between wellness is a practice. Wellbeing is a state and wellbeing is how you feel, but wellness is what you do. And so wellness and wellbeing are super subjective. You know, one person’s ideal state of being and one person’s wellness practice might be torture to another person, right. Um, and you know, one, person’s a way of showing up in their life and what that means for them in terms of their wellness practice and what it means to be well might be another person’s idea of a really bad time. So I think, you know, thinking about wellness and wellbeing , is there kind of two sides of the same coin, right? Wellness is really, you know, the practice, the commitment the, the doing and being is the feeling, the experiencing the state of mind , um , and state of body and state of spirit that you reach when you commit to, and you focus on those wellness practices.
Speaker 4:
I love that. Wow, I’ve really been wrestling with those two things because I, when I was thinking about naming this podcast and what it was I wanted to dive into, I had this kind of a friction, or I got stuck in the of wellness because I’ve noticed , um, in the world today, wellness has really been , um, a practice that we see primarily white folks , um , have access to. Right? So that when I talk about self care , um, in the beginning of the school, re-imagining self care for ourselves, there was a lot of this, well, I go for a mom massage, or I go get my nails done, or, you know, I’m going on vacation, or I’m taking a yoga retreat. And I think that’s wonderful. These are all wellness practices. Well, what if you don’t have access to any of those things? So what does wellness look like if you’re not, if you don’t have a lot of disposable income, or if you don’t have access to these, you know, these things that you want to do. And so I started preaching the idea of wellness or wellbeing , be individual things that you can do for yourself that , um, that, that are just everyday events, that release stress in your life. So that’s my well, like my self-care , I guess , um, definition for people. So today I went grocery shopping. I don’t really like grocery shopping then lately it hurts my feelings. Cause everything in the grocery store is more expensive due to inflation and the pandemic and all those things. So my car , I took a picture. I haven’t posted it, but I took a picture of my trunk with my groceries and I go, self-care day one-on-one on Monday. This is intentional self-care . Um, but it’s not necessarily joyful self care . So there are these two things in my mind where, okay, I’m being intentional about this because I need to eat. I need to feed my family. And this is part of our self-care routine and it’s intentional, but I would have way more joy standing on my grass with my shoes off, you know, maybe looking at my garden. So that to me is like enjoyable self-care and this is intentional. Self-care something I have to do. That’s going to provide me less stress later on. Um, but something I don’t really like doing, I love the,
Speaker 2:
The word intentional, because I think, you know, I’ve said this before, but intention creates space, intention drives purpose. And so when we want to be intentional about something, we need to be mindful of it, but mindfulness does not preclude joy, excepted , agreeableness. It just means knowledge. Right? And so I think becoming more aware and becoming more intentional and purpose-driven in our wellness is really important, but you know, touching on that self-care piece self-care is a huge part of wellness, but I think wellness can even be, you know, fulfilling relationships with your loved ones. Wellness can be, you know , um, living in a safe and comfortable environment. Do you know, making sure that, you know, you have a roof over your head or at least someone that you trust to talk about, you know , the hard things in your life. And so I think self care is a underneath the wellness umbrella, but I think for a lot of people, you’re right. Self-care is inaccessible because we’ve tapped it on to capitalism. And you know, when we put self care as this thing you need to buy, or this thing that is , um , connected to access and privilege and power , um, it becomes looped into this very supremacist notion of , um, who gets to access wellness, who gets to be well and who deserves it. And that’s problematic for a lot of reasons, but you know, you’re right. Self-care can be super simple. I think of self-care as daily hygiene. Right. Did you balance your budget this month? Did you prepare your tax documents? Have you cleaned out the fridge? You know, all of them ,
Speaker 3:
I just stuck my tongue under intentional. You know what I mean? Cleaning out the fridge is not on my list of things I love to do, but yeah, but there are self-care things I often talk about brushing and flossing, your teeth. That was one health care or well, wellbeing habit that I took on during the pandemic is my excuse prior to the pandemic was I don’t have time to floss my teeth. I can, you know, I got to get to bed or I got to get where I’m going or whatever. And then I thought now I’m not actually going for except downstairs to flip on my computer so I can take the extra 30 seconds or minute. And that’s all it is. It’s like a minute to floss your teeth. And I always thought to myself, I made a big deal about nothing, and I’m just going to help me keep my teeth. It’s almost like putting that wellbeing or that wellness in the bank for a future withdrawal. Right. I think about that when I’m running, right. This is just a new thing. That’s been ruminating in my head when I’m running and I’m not having a particularly fun time. Sometimes I’m out there and I’m living my best life. And other times about there, I’m like, why do I do this? Like , well , and then I hear that little voice in our head saying, you know, I have a history, my family has a history of heart disease and diabetes and cancer and all the things, and these are little wellness or well-being , or self-care that I’m putting in the bank for later. So that if I take care of my heart, now, even if I do get heart disease, maybe it will be minimized. Maybe it won’t be as pronounced or as, you know , serious as if I didn’t do any of this at all. So I actually look at it, I look at intentional movement or intentional self care things I don’t always love to do, but will lead to a better outcome later as banking this practice for later. I think it’s really
Speaker 2:
Hard to do that for a lot of people because activities of daily living can be so burdensome when the, the reasons why you need to do them are rooted in burnout stress and like intergenerational like unwell, like feeling intergenerational effects of being unwell, right? Yeah. Yeah. My father has , um, uh , chronic health conditions. My grandfather had chronic health conditions and, you know, it’s a huge piece of, you know, at least Caribbean culture. I know Barbados is a huge place , um, where I’m from, where we have, it’s like the diabetes, one of the diabetes capitals of the world. And so in many ways, you know, caring for our health is like a public health issue, as well as, you know, navigating, you know, is this the, is this way of showing up for myself, this small decision that I can make today, you know, meaningful for me in the future, but also meaningful for generations in the future, will they see, well , my children see me practicing these habits and therefore ameliorate some of these conditions later on, you know, will I get to see the next 20, 30, 50 years if I make these small decisions today. And that’s a really burdensome and challenging , um, cross to bear for a lot of people specifically for, for black families and black individuals, because there’s so much that we’re dealing with already
Speaker 3:
All the time. Yeah. All the time. And I also was very thoughtful around heart disease , uh, because I know the statistics from , uh , from the American, the journal of American medicine JAMA. Anyway, I can’t remember the acronym works and I saw the statistic maybe three or four years ago. Uh, everything is skewed with , uh, with the pandemic. Was it two years ago? Was it four years ago? Who knows , um, where they had looked at the statistics of women who get heart disease in America and the statistics for black women or women of African descent was much higher and much higher by quite a bit. And that shook me because it was just around the time of , um, the new year where you get all the worst statistics and people are waiting their fingers at you saying, you know, we’re fault. This is your problem with let’s get it fixed. And what really bothered me is I re I reached out to a friend of mine. Who’s an epidemiologist. And him and I had had this conversation that, you know, the increase in heart disease in African-American populations, isn’t solely the fault of people, of African descent. There are a lot of things that play in the ability to get access to healthcare . Um, the amount of stress that people of color , uh , and particularly black people walk through the world with on a daily basis. Like we talk about things like post-traumatic stress disorder , um, the things that black folks and people of color in a white supremacist society encounter every single day is not post traumatic stress. It’s ongoing traumatic stress. You know what I mean, microaggressions or macroaggressions or hypervigilance , or, you know, or just, you know, running into somebody who feels the need to police your body in some kind of way. And you can’t tell me that doesn’t contribute that added stress of walking through the world in this identity in a racialized identity does not add to the stress that would increase our , um, our incidents of heart disease. Yet we are solely blamed for correcting that problem. It’s a systemic problem. In my opinion, if it affects 60 to 80% of the , uh, people of African descent, it’s not a coincidence and it can’t only be our diet and it can’t only be, you know , um, our individual problem. This has to be systemic. And I get really annoyed at the idea that the health and wellness industry likes to point the finger back at us claiming that we’re not doing the right things when a, we might not have act assess or B , we live in such a stressed out , um, existence that even if we were doing all the things it’s not necessarily going to change our outcome,
Speaker 2:
You’re absolutely right. But I think, you know, there’s a word there that needs to be kind of amplified and highlighted industry. Yeah, it is way more profitable and beneficial for , uh, individuals of African descent, black individuals, black women, to take individual responsibility for their health concerns, chronic concerns that may be exacerbated by current trauma, racial trauma, ongoing micro-aggressive behavior. Um, just living in a world where you’re constantly needing to justify your existence and to prove your value. Um, it’s way more profitable to be the individual saying like, well, what can I do? What can I purchase? What can I buy? What can I consume to , to make this better? And so unbeknownst to all of us, we are participating in a system that directly benefits from us feeling like we don’t do enough to make sure that we are well. And one thing that I would say to anyone listening, is that, you know, if this is blowing your mind or, you know, you’re beginning to unlearn some of these practices, you know , take a deep breath and recognize that, you know, it is not your individual responsibility to change the world. It’s not your fault, but as DBT says, it is our problem. And so finding ways to show up for your community , um, finding ways to spread awareness, finding ways to talk about and make small changes outside of things that you need to purchase or to consume, or to engage with in an industry sense in the health and wellness industry sense cause how health and wellness begins, where you are, and it begins in the mind. Um, is there a really empowering act, right ? Can we be creative about how we do that?
Speaker 4:
Absolutely. And , and I love that . I love what you said around. It’s not PR it’s not our responsibility. Like we pick up the especially black women, we’ve been trained to pick up the mantle of the world, right? We have been trained to look after everybody all the time. And it’s ingrained from us from the time of enslavement, where we were looking after children, where we were looking after, you know , uh , households or, or whatever. And a friend of mine said something really interesting , uh, Theresa Thames . She’s , uh , she’s a pastor I believe. And she said on , um, on a video clip that I shared on my page a while ago for a lot of us, our worth is in our work . And so constantly pick up the work because that’s where we get our worth. And that’s something that we’ve been trained to do, right. That our , that our worth isn’t our work. And I think it really dovetails nicely with , with what you said , um, around this idea of constantly, you know, being responsible for our communities. That’s kind of the mantle of , uh , of the black woman that we’re hearing , that we’re strong. And quite frankly, I’m tired of it. Like I can keep, you can keep your resilience. You can keep, you’re a strong black woman trope because it doesn’t allow for us to be soft or vulnerable or ask for help. And I , I think that’s problematic in, in seeking wellbeing as an individual, if you’re always expected to , um, be the strong one, the one that speaks up the one that saves everybody, because that’s how we’ve been treated .
Speaker 2:
I completely agree. I completely agree.
Speaker 4:
It’s a tough one. So I want to just pivot a little bit here. I want to tell, I want you to tell me how you got involved in the work that you’re involved in. Like w what brought you to the path of being a counselor, a psychotherapist, like I so very rarely see , um, black women, black men, people of color within this , um, modality. Like I, when I found out that not only you’re a black woman, but you’re from we’re from the same place, right. Barbados. I was like, finally, I’m going to get the box to a counselor. Who’s going to understand my culture and going to understand what’s not going to fly because my entire life I’ve always had either a woman, a white woman, or a white man be my therapist. So how is that , how did you come to do this work? And do you see this industry changing at all?
Speaker 2:
It’s a great question. Um, you know, I came into this work by, by true honest experience, you know , um, I grew up in Barbados and I lived there until I was about 16. I ended up moving away to finish high school on my own. And from there, I’ve just been traveling and, and going from visa to visa and, and going from country to country, kind of hoping and praying that I will find a place to settle. And I ended up returning back to Canada , uh , two years ago and finally getting my permanent residency. So I have a home, no , not yet a nomad living from visa to visa, hoping for the best. Um, but you know, growing up, I think most Caribbean people can really resonate. Um, and , and most people too, right. Um, who have maybe experienced , um, invalidating family structures and family environments , um, can relate to feeling really unheard and feeling like, you know, your feelings don’t have a space. There’s not a lot of room for who you truly are. And I was a weird kid. I was super, super weird. I love that . I mean, I was into, like, I was kind of a golf , like a little bit of a scene kid. I wore like black lipstick at times. It was just like very countered to the lifestyle and the way of living in Barbados. You know, it’s very beachy, sunny . Everyone’s kind of like, you know, like it’s very cheap and here I am, you know, wearing converse and like straightening my bangs . So I think, you know, I, I had , uh , I laugh now, but it was really painful childhood. Um, and my parents gave me everything that they possibly could. I didn’t, I couldn’t have asked for more , um, but there was a lot of pain and I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere. So my, I remember this very, very clearly. I think I was sitting at my desk , um, in my childhood bedroom and I down in a journal. I don’t want anybody else to feel like this, and I didn’t have access to therapy at the time, but I knew from television. And I knew from , um , media that there were at the time I was like white ladies that do those things. And I didn’t really, I don’t think I had the mindfulness as a teenager then to say like, oh, I’m not able to do it. I kind of just naively, you know, said, I’m, that’s what I want to do. Like, I want to help people. I want to help kids. So I originally wanted to be a child psychologist. Um, but I ended up kind of turning to psychology and turning to psychotherapy as a tool to understand my own past. And then ultimately once I had begun my journey of healing and learning, and I’m still on this journey, right. It’s ongoing. Um, I really started to divert my attention into uplifting the community and making space for others to do that healing and growing work. And, you know, the second part of your question is, do I see this field changing? And yes, I do. I think even just in the past two years, right. Um, I’ve seen it really explode when I started my private practice. I was one of the very few on psychology today that , uh, were black and , um , I’m an eating disorder trained therapist. So I still don’t know of a single other eating disorder, trained black therapist, black female therapist . And I get asked daily , um , about this. And, you know, I knew the faces on those directories on those listings by heart. I went through hundreds of pages trying to find, you know, other black therapists to connect with. And I, I kinda knew who was out there and there, you know, I could count on two hands at the time who it was. And since the pandemic, you know, I’ve really seen a lot of black women empower themselves to leave, you know, maybe the institutions and the hospitals, and to get back into the community and to start, you know, opening up shop and saying, Hey, you know, I’m here. Um, it’s safe and here’s a place that you can seek refuge. You can seek connection and you can grow while not necessarily feeling you have to educate, teach, or train your own therapist on how to show up for you and how to be the person that you need. And I think even just that is mindblowing and , um, just so empowering for people to not have to do the work, to show someone else how they need to be cared for how they need to be supported and how they need to feel safe, what they need to feel safe.
Speaker 4:
I think that’s, yeah, that’s amazing. I often question, you know, everything is like , do everything in retrospect, you know, I really credit , um, my, my psychotherapist , uh, when I was in my early twenties and having a lot of difficulty or helping me, like just assess my feelings and , and work through some stuff and give me some , uh, some coping skills. But sometimes when I look back at conversations in my self study, in my reflection, whenever I do these things like slip back into my class, sometimes when I haven’t resolved something. And I think to myself, I slipped back into that situation, handle it the way I wanna handle it now, so that I can like put it to bed and move on. Right. Even if it’s not happening in real, in real life, I sometimes play these games. And sometimes I thought with a few of the people I had spoke with in my past that therapists who aren’t culturally aware and haven’t had any training, sometimes teach us as people of color and as black people, how did just to simulate with white supremacy, like the things teaching you, how to,
Speaker 3:
You know, go along and get along. And ,
Speaker 4:
Um, I really I’m really over that. I’m hoping that the therapy world is shifting now that, you know, looking at a homogeneous population that doesn’t understand , um, white supremacy and , uh, internalized oppression and all those things that we as black folks and people of color take on in order to cope in a world, like you said, that constantly has us proving our humanity or begging for our humanity. And that sometimes therapy is just another tool of that oppression to teach you how to just manage that instead of trying to push back against it. And , um, a couple of days ago , I had a really interesting conversation with like, I call her my pseudo psychotherapist , uh, Dr . Parker , um, back in the day I would that I would be putting things up on my Facebook page that were really , uh , you know, depressing or upsetting or whatever. And she would text me and go, I saw your Facebook today. Can you give me a call? I need to talk to you quickly
Speaker 2:
Sounds like a therapist.
Speaker 4:
Oh , your page. And I’m a little concerned, can you give me a call when you get a minute? And , uh, you know, just having that voice. And she was one of the first people I ever saw that was a black woman that was doing this work. So, you know, I’m always curious as to why in the black community and you’re , and I know in the west and the west Indian community, there’s a lot of resistance to seeking help around mental health issues. It’s almost like a , almost like a badge of shame often. Um, and I’m going to this and I’ve told people before, so , um, no , she’s not gonna hear the podcast , but , um , this idea, like my mom had that you just need to have like demons cast out. Like you just need to find Jesus. Um, you know, I, I say, find Jesus, and maybe Jesus will tell you to go to therapy. Like yeah, you know, I’m here for you, but I’m also gonna send you in the direction of somebody that you can talk to. One-on-one face-to-face all the time just to give you some clarity, what’s the resistance you think,
Speaker 2:
You know, I think you named it, it’s shame. Um, and it’s also guilt, right? You know , um, there’s a lot of narratives wrapped into , uh , spirituality, even, you know, you mentioned your mom having this , uh , sensibility and this belief that it really is just the demons needed to be cast out. And there’s a lot of spiritual narratives that get really twisted on the need for suffering in order to seek salvation. And you know, this idea that we need to labor before we can rest that we need to work before we can slow down and that we need to deserve spaces in which we feel seen, heard, and feel belonging in. And I think for a lot of us Indians and a lot of black folk , um, you know, we’ve been working our whole lives and there’s not a lot of space for self care . I remember I mentioned self care to my own family. And I think, you know, my parents actually laughed like there , they were like, what is that? It literally, they said like , you know , what is the ad like, oh, you know, okay, that’s cute self care as if we have time for that. I think you deserve
Speaker 4:
That, keep it moving. Right.
Speaker 2:
And so I think, you know, it’s not just shame , um, around, you know, oh, I’m , I’m feeling these things. And I don’t even know if there’s this safe space for me to talk about it. I don’t even know if there’s , um, someone who will be able to hold space for these things. And I am so ashamed of that. I’m so worried about, but it’s also this guilt, you know, who am I to deserve a safe place to talk about these things? You know, I, I, haven’t done enough. It’s always the next thing to do. And so I see that a lot in the people that I meet with for therapy, it’s, you know , internalized shame around what they’re feeling , um, whether their relationship is, you know, quote unquote good, bad, or everything in between , um, you know, shame and guilt about , um, not really loving the way that were raised. You know, I love my parents. I care so much about them, but, and why am I saying all these bad things in therapy? You know, I’m, I’m airing out family secrets, right ? Yeah . Cycles. Um, and showing up in therapy as someone who wants to make changes in their lives, it’s a requirement almost for you to lean into that shame and to, to see what questions that shame is , is asking you what needs to be healed, what needs to be fixed, what needs to be , uh, eliminated. And when you can answer the questions that shame is poking and prodding you to, to hide and to conceal, you can start to address it with, you know , here’s this word again, intention. Um, you can start to be purposeful about it and to allow yourself to feel without allowing these narratives around. I don’t deserve this. Um , I’m not good enough. I’m a lovable, this is useless. This is unhelpful. And really just asking yourself more questions about like, what do I need, what would make the difference for me today? How do I feel safe in this moment to , with whom do I feel safe with and how do I nurture those connections and those relationships to make my life feel more meaningful for me in the moment.
Speaker 4:
That’s great. And that is great advice. That is,
Speaker 3:
That is
Speaker 4:
Like, I hope that those words encourage people who have been nervous. Like, what would you say to somebody, especially somebody who’s feeling this trepidation around sharing family secrets, because a lot of us are, are , you know, are raised myself in particular. What goes on in this house stays in this house. You know, you don’t kind of talk about it kind of thing , kind of raise that way. What would you say to somebody who’s like a little trepidations about going to therapy or, you know, worried about sharing that, that honorable selves? I think, you know, I would
Speaker 2:
Direct them to, you know , the fact that they, they have the words already, the words are in their mind, it’s now you have to deal with, what do you think the consequences of you saying that out loud are, wow. You know, do you think that you will stop tolerating things? Do you think that you will stop accepting things that are harmful for you when you speak that out loud? Sometimes people avoid therapy because they know that the change they seek is on the other side of that disclosure. And they’re afraid of the consequences of what that might mean for them. They’re not ready for the conflict resolution or the discord that comes with setting boundaries and, you know, making sure that your needs are met. That’s really, really hard, especially when there are people in your family, in your life who , um, are really, really dedicated to making you feel bad for having those needs and also kind of shaming you for, for setting those limits in the first place. And then the second and very, very important thing that I would say to someone is your therapy and your relationship with your therapist is sacred. I treat that as a gift to be able to hold space and to recognize the, the scariness of what it means, to be honest with someone about the things that you don’t talk about with anybody at all. And there are regulations, there are laws, there are rules, there are, you know, put things in place to protect you from those secrets ever leaving the sanctity of your therapist’s office. And I think a lot of people are misinformed about , um, therapy or I’ve had experience with unethical and harmful therapists who use their information in very problematic ways. And don’t respect the space that they hold with their clients. I’m not saying that’s every therapist. I mean, it’s definitely not, but yeah , they’re definitely not. Everyone comes into this profession with great intentions. And, you know, I think a lot of people who maybe tried something before or said, you know, last time I spoke to someone or last time I even alluded to this, they, you know, belittled me or they, you know , were condescending or, you know , they told someone else. And I would just say, you know, you have rights and it is our responsibility as therapists to make sure that your health information is safe, secure , um, and you know, is treated with the , the respect that it deserves.
Speaker 4:
I appreciate that. I am a whole heartedly for everybody getting therapy. I’m a big fan, or it being a part of our national healthcare system. And in , in Canada, it is , uh , and if you’re lucky enough to have an employer that has like extended benefits, you can often , uh, you know, have coverage that way, but it really should be something that is accessible to most of us or all of us. And I think removing that stigma of going to therapy and the continuing , uh, of the culture to talk about mental health in the same way we talk about physical health is really important because I don’t think we would be having these same kinds of conversations like 10 years ago. And I shared the story with you in our therapy when I was 16 years old. And I’ve shared this story on , uh, I had given up on life and had tried to end my life at 16. And , uh, my parents , uh, prior to that happening, I asked my parents if I could go talk to somebody, cause I was feeling heavy and I was feeling scared. And my mother who had been a nurse at the time for like 25 years gave me the speech about how therapists are just as messed up as you, and they can’t help you anyway. And you know, you’re not going to bring shame on this family by going to therapy, which seems like a really bizarre , this is the eighties though , our idea, right? This is, you know, the eighties. Yeah. The late eighties, I would say, this is a really, you know, we’re not going to tolerate this. You don’t get to go. And then it resulted in me, you know, having a very serious event. And then them being angry about me having this event had they given me the opportunity to go to therapy. I’m pretty sure the event wouldn’t happen. But even after I tried to kill myself and was unsuccessful , uh, my parents still wouldn’t let me go to therapy. And my mother was mortified because she was a nurse and I was taken to the emergency room of the hospital that she works at. Right. So it was going to inevitably trickle back to her, her yeah, her coworkers . And then she was going to be, you know, either the object of vertical cure or the object of pity and neither of those things that you want. And I just think if you , you know , if you care about the wellbeing of your child, none of these things should matter.
Speaker 2:
Yeah. I said this to you when you showed this with me, then I’m going to say it again. Now I’m glad you’re here.
Speaker 3:
Some of my, so who am I? So my, I just, I’m grateful , uh, that I wasn’t successful because , um, clearly I had some things to do and clearly I had some life to live and right . So , and some stuff to do it life to live. And it was, it’s been really, yeah , great. And I’ve been like hypersensitive around my children. Um, given that my oldest son is now at the same age I was when I , um, when I had this episode and I know he’s, you know, the pandemic has made everybody’s life harder. Uh, and he’s not getting to have the quintessential, you know , high school experience . All high school has been sitting at his desk in his room for the most part. And only very recently
Speaker 4:
Because my kids are both vaccinated.
Speaker 3:
Now, have they been going out in the world, you know, prior I was letting them hang out with their friends here and there, because I thought their mental health is important. And seeing your friends on screen, isn’t the same as kicking a soccer ball or playing basketball on the court, or, you know, riding your bike around the neighborhood. It’s not the same. So I, you know, I was like, I’m okay with your friends coming over if their parents were okay and we’ll just make sure your friends are in our bubble, like, we’ll choose what our bubble is. And we’ll just make sure they’re all being really mindful. And I had a really big heart to heart with my son , um, a couple of weeks ago when he was feeling a little blue. And I said to him, I want you to know that I am always on your side, no matter what. And I brought up, you know, if you’re feeling bad, you can go talk to somebody. Dad has gone to talk to somebody I’ve gone to Dr . Somebody’s aunt, Judy talks to somebody, you know, uncle Sean , we’ve all really embraced talking to people in there. If you feel you need to. And he had no idea what it was like, he’s like, what does that mean? I go like, if you don’t want to talk to dad and I, and you want to go and be really honest with somebody else and you can lay it on the line. And I know as much as your mom, I’m far from perfect in this mothering thing. And I , you don’t have to feel bad about throwing me under the bus. Cause I kind of expected, like nobody can be perfect. Right. I figure everybody’s kids got to go to therapy and complain about their parents because I just think that’s the way it’s going to be. And I’m okay with that. Um, as long as you’re out there and telling your therapist, whatever you need to tell them, and if I’m , you know, when I’m 60 or 70, you come back and tell me that time,
Speaker 5:
You didn’t let me do that thing. I’m okay.
Speaker 3:
I’m here for it. I’m writing for it. I’m grounded in it. And I will apologize and do the things that I need to do because I want you to have the absolute opposite experience of what I had. And I always tell my sons,
Speaker 4:
Even if I’m angry at you, even if we don’t agree on something, I am always on your side. I am not the enemy. I am always, always here for you. And there’s nothing you can say or do, that’s going to make me love you any less.
Speaker 3:
And if you need help, you just tell me, cause I , I, this is my job. I want to do it for you. So that we really, so I’m hoping that that line of communication is really open and the same way you wrote in your diary and said , I never want anybody to feel this way. I feel the exact same way about my sons . I want to be that open parent. Um, that makes them feel like, okay, you know, I can go to therapy , call my mom a or whatever, and that’s okay, I’m down . I understand. Right. You know what I mean? And that w like I said to them , we’re not, I was going to agree. You’re not always going to get along, but I’m always on your side, no matter what.
Speaker 2:
So what an exhale for them to have that unconditional support from you always,
Speaker 3:
Always, I want, I, like you said, I want to break the cycle. I want to talk about your evolution in the psychotherapy world, because you have your own practice with typing . You got, you all are going to get to see like a little glimpse of, of Megan, you , you know, and if she feels comfortable sharing her Instagram later, we’ll share that. And you can kind of see the work that she’s doing. You are a very mature old soul. Cause when I talked to you, I think I’m talking to somebody my own age, but quite frankly, Megan is , doesn’t have to be my daughter. So let’s just call it. I feel like you, you lived a long time and you’ve had this really incredible experiences that you can draw on. And that parallels my life so well. But you, you have like done a wonderful thing having this practice. And I wanna , I want to know what inspired you to have a practice. I don’t see a lot of black women in leadership roles within the industry that you’re in and you’ve just kind of stepped up . Didn’t do it . I’d like to hear a little bit about, about how that came to be. Well,
Speaker 2:
It’s a bit of a journey and you know, I think I talk about this in an article that I just wrote for my blog, a therapist perspective. And, and then I kind of detail , um, a little bit of my journey and how, when I first started in this work, there was no training on how to be in the community. As a leader, working directly with clients, we were trained to work within institutions. We were trained to work within treatment centers and there were interdisciplinary teams. There was due diligence. There was process, there was all of this kind of bureaucracy and rigmarole that really prevented me in my perspective, in my opinion, from doing work that I wanted to do with clients. Um, and you know, it’s even worse in public health , um, agencies. Um, but it it’s a little bit better in private institutions. I ended up working at a private rehab here in Toronto and , um, ended up, you know, developing and designing their mood and anxiety program in a matter of months. And I know that that is nothing that I could have done , um, with, within working the Ontario government or that’s a Renault , a community agency program, no shade to anyone who is working there, they’re doing such necessary work. It’s just the wait lists are so long. And the capacity to change and evolve with the changing and evolving society is just not there. We’re not able to be as reflexive to the, to the work and to the needs of a growing population and to a population that’s becoming more aware and more demanding of competent and culturally sensitive mental health , um, services. So that was kind of, you know , my background. Um, and I, I kind of really, I left my job. Um, I wasn’t feeling very good about that job. I left it and I was feeling quite low. And , um, you know, I didn’t have a plan. I did not have a plan. I just kind of quit my job. I talked to my husband and I said, Hey, I need to leave. I gotta, I gotta go. Um, and you know , he’s a gem that man , um, he really just said to me, you know, it doesn’t really matter how hard it’s going to be for us, do what you need to do and we’ll figure it out after. And so I quit my job and I decided I would figure it out. So I started private practice and I hope for the best, maybe, you know, I’d get one or two clients. I could call up some old friends and, you know, say at the time I thought, you know, I’m just going to get people who graduated from the treatment program that I was just working at and continue their work in the community. Um, that was not the case. I got so busy, so fast. Oh gosh. Yeah. I just , I put up my psychology today and I think I just closed my phone and my laptop and I went to bed. Like I didn’t even , I think about it. I was just like, oh, you know, I spent time writing a little bio. I made Squarespace website and I was like, this is cool , cute, like, look,
Speaker 4:
Look, look at mag.
Speaker 2:
You know , I woke up the next day to so many emails and then the next day after that, and then the day after that, and I was full, I started my private practice September of 2019. And I was full by , um, end of October, what
Speaker 3:
So much need. Yes,
Speaker 2:
It was correct how intense everything happened . So I really didn’t accept very many clients. I, I can tell you right now, there are some clients, most of the clients that I see now in 2021 are the still the same clients that I started seeing in 2019 fall of 2019. And I S and everyone keeps asking me, when are you going to accept , uh , new clients? When are you going to do this? I was like, I swear to God if I had the time and the space in the day to do it, I really would because I just, I would work 10 hour days. I would see, you know, 8, 9, 10 people a day. And, you know, every hour in therapy is really dedicated to leaning into that person’s experience. There’s no time to multitask or to do other things during the hour. So I was spending 8, 7, 9, 10 hours every day, locked in to other people’s experiences by the time January 20, 20 came about, I was burnt out and I was so overwhelmed that I started to really pull back. I said, okay, I’ve got to see less people a day. I’ve got to really just, you know , really slow down in order to be effective and to be a better therapist. And so , um, that conversation I had with myself really led me to thinking, you know, there’s not enough of me, what can I do to expand my services? And so I started working with , um, my wonderful supervisor, Dr. Stevenson . He is a proud Cuban psychologist and is , um, the first , uh, supervisor I have, have ever had that identifies as like Latin X or BiPAP. Um, and you know, he’s wonderful. We, you know, I call him a friend now and we just started dreaming up ways to serve the community better. And that’s how bloom was born in August of 2020, the depth of the pandemic. I just, I went for it. And here we are.
Speaker 4:
How many, how many practitioners do you have working with you?
Speaker 2:
We have nine practitioners working with us now. Yeah, I know.
Speaker 3:
And these, these counselors, these therapists, these practitioners, these clinicians, are they all folks of color? I think we
Speaker 2:
Have one person who doesn’t identify as a person of color. Um, but eight out of nine , um, are all female, all women identified. Um, and you know, I think it’s really important that we acknowledge , um, privilege and biases and, and ways that people show up psychology and psychotherapy is a completely female dominated profession, which makes sense why most of us would be a female identifying. Um, but you know, I think there’s room for non binary therapists , there’s room for, you know, male therapists, there’s room for people to really show up and to be their full selves and to support the community that needs them. And so there’s nine of us , um, all women of color , uh, myself included three black women, south Asian women , um , Aboriginal first nation , biracial women. I’m proud of the community that I’ve built. I’m proud
Speaker 4:
What you’ve done. This is like, unheard of. I’m willing to bet that you are one of the only in north America, because I’ve never heard like the cross-section of representation here. I can’t wait to see non-binary therapist . I can’t wait like this is that community is so underserved in terms of this community underestimated. Historically the new phrase is now historically excluded. Um , you know , I’m just playing , I’m here for it. It needs to expand. We all need to have a place where we can feel safe to share our experiences and not have their experiences be, you know, colored by or influenced by white supremacy. But to have the experience be authentic to who we are and not have it be influenced by gender norms and all the things that are hard for us to be who we are. And almost like therapy is putting you back into the lane where the rest of the world wants you. Whereas now when you have a therapist that looks like you can identify with your lived experience, it makes you feel so great. Like I’ve never, I’ve had three or four therapists. And with the exception of Dr. Gail and yourself, I’ve never felt like I can be a hundred percent honest or a hundred percent myself, which is why I think when I come to therapy with you, I’m just like, [inaudible] ,
Speaker 2:
I I’m super honored to hold that space. And , um, you know, before I moved back to Canada, I was working at, I think it’s one of the top three largest , um, LGBTQ plus health centers in the world, Fenway health. I was living in Boston and I was working there and I was running , uh, groups and , and getting to learn. I re I ran an exploring sexuality group. And , um, I mostly worked with youth trans and gender non-conforming youth and supporting them through their , uh, gender affirmation surgery , um, through navigating family conflict. A lot of them are homeless and , um, you know, we’re, we’re really struggling to find safety, someones youngest 12. Wow. And , um, my work with them really kind of pushed me into this landscape where one, I wanted to meet the needs of people that didn’t feel like they had a space to feel heard. Um, something that people might not know about me is that I’m. Like I’m a bisexual black woman therapist. I mean, I’m, you know, straight passing because I have a husband , um, dunno how that happened. Um, if he listens to this, he’ll probably laugh, but I think, you know, there’s just so much , um, there’s like a hidden, hidden curriculum for, for therapists who don’t experience being historically excluded, who don’t experience marginalization, who don’t experience , um, a lack of belonging and a distressed and systems , um, to, to learn about how to support , um, clients of color, how to support , um, clients who exist in different sexual and gender identities and orientations. And I think, you know, it’s, it’s important even if you exist in those margins to continue learning, I consider it a deep honor to continue sharpening my craft and showing up for people in a way that they, they feel respected and heard. And so , um, I really admire what you’re doing, really using your voice to, to show people that therapy is not as terrifying as they may think it is. And that , um, if you are, you know, able to and have the capacity to search, because, you know, there’s a lot of us out there now. So now you’ve got to do the work to search, to see who’s the right fit. Um, once you’re committed to that journey and you, you find someone that you, you feel safe with to kind of just let yourself exhale, let yourself exist, feel, do what you need to do, and where with you in lock step .
Speaker 4:
It’s an incredible, empowering, and dare I say, intentional feeling when you connect with that person who is seeing you and hearing you on allowing you to be yourself and can completely see you for the multi-dimensional person, you are, and has a similar lived experience. So they can actually hear you without you saying, well, you won’t understand her . What’s the point in bringing this up? They’re just not going to get what I’m saying, because you know, as black people, we will never know what it is to be white and as white people, they’ll, they’ll never know what it means to be black. So there’s in some spaces it’s really necessary to connect with somebody who can attest to your lived experience, which I love. So, as we begin to wrap, I can’t believe we’ve been talking for almost an hour. I want to always ask people at the end of the podcast, what do you do for your own personal wellbeing ? And what are some tips you could give our listeners about tapping into their own personal wellbeing, wellbeing, that feeling of wellbeing , if you will.
Speaker 2:
Hmm . What do I do? Well, one thing that I really , um, I can’t stress enough is I just let myself feel what I’m feeling and try not to judge it, try not to shape it or to shrink myself in any way. You know, if you wake up in a bad mood, I will literally say out loud, I’m in a bad mood. Um, I not feeling good. Um, and you know, really allowing myself the space to announce and to name what I’m feeling has been so empowering for me, because I think as a black woman, I’ve had to perform regulation a lot. I’ve had to perform feeling well, and sometimes I’m not. So I want to be honest about that. Um, and then the second thing that I do is really just boundaries , um, limits. It’s a constant struggle and, you know, boundaries is such a huge topic. That would be a totally different podcast, but I really set boundaries with myself. I set boundaries of my loved ones. I set boundaries, I set boundaries of my dog. I set boundaries around my time, my energy, my interests, and I’m always working at it. But I think it’s one of the things that really clear space for me to do what I love and to do what matters to me. And so those are my two personal wellness tips. Um, other than, you know, the basic activities of daily living, like, you know, making sure that I get a shower that I stay hydrated, that I try to have at least one or two nutritional meals a day, you know , uh, the things that, you know, keep the engine full, but, you know, for, for people who are really starting this wellness journey, I think a few things that you can maybe start to do is to start to record and to describe what is it that you’re experiencing, tell your story. Um, I think it’s really powerful. Not in, you don’t have to think of it as a huge exercise as , oh gosh, I’ve got to now sit down and write a memoir biography. Um, I have some clients that prepare PowerPoint presentations before we need to say, you know, there’s a lot that you need to get caught up on. Here’s the doc , you know, you know, that kind of energy is admirable, but not necessary always. Right. And so I would say, you know, jot down on your calendar in your daily diary, or even just on your family calendar, like a smiley face or a sad face, or just a mood , um, a feeling something to record how you’re feeling on a day-to-day basis, because the thing that you will need most to understand what is important for your wellness journey is data. You need to know when you’re not feeling great, what patterns, what leads to that, you know, what affects it? Um, what things make it better? You know, your therapist might ask you questions. Well, what makes you feel good? Or when do you feel like this? Or, you know, how often have you been experiencing why ? And a lot of people are like, well, I’m not sure I just avoid all of these things because I don’t want to have to deal with it. And so addressing the avoidance really starting to record, just even in small ways, what you’re experiencing, describing, what you’re feeling and keeping a bit of an archive of that is going to be useful data that you can use to improve your habits, to change your boundaries, to, you know, set some clear guidelines for yourself that are not just aspirational, but realistic. It’s based in what you’ve actually done and what matters to you. Um, and then, you know, another thing I would truly recommend is this is going to be a hard one, but , uh , we don’t do hard things we can do, except that your ways of thinking about yourself are rooted in the beliefs and the , the doctrines and the , um, ideologies of being unwell. Wow. And when you accept that, you will start to settle into this idea that it is a journey and start to manage your expectations about what it might be like for you to start shaping and changing and evolving and growing into who you want to be. So many people I see come to therapy and they’re like, okay, so we’re going to do 10 sessions and then, you know, I’m not going to feel depressed anymore, and then I’m going to feel this and I’m going to feel that, and they have just such high expectations for themselves that are rooted in these ideas of being unwell. It’s rooted in these productivity mindsets, it’s rooted in, you know , not resting, it’s rooted in not feeling it’s rooted in this performance mindset. I’ve got to show out and show up as opposed to be me and to stay in the moment. And so I think, you know , even just accepting that learning to be compassionate and turning towards that, that mindset with a little bit of gentleness, a little bit of understanding will give you a lot of cognitive and mental room to start thinking about this journey. Um, with more kindness, with more , um, realistic expectation. And that doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person, you know, slowing down doesn’t mean that you won’t get there. It just means that it’s gonna take a little bit longer and that’s okay.
Speaker 4:
That is okay. I love that these are all great tips for us to set a course and chart a course for our own wellbeing . This has been an absolute amazing hour, and I want to thank you again for being my inaugural podcast. The first time I’ve done a podcast all by my lonesome all by myself, my pleasure. It was amazing. And in the show notes, I’ll be adding , um , your blog , uh, your IgE people want to follow you on Instagram. Is there anything else you want our listeners to know about you or where they can find you?
Speaker 2:
Yeah. Um, I am the resident therapist for alchemy health, which is a new mental health platform with on-demand wellness courses and meditations for the culture. Um, you know, I think it’s one of those things where you go on Headspace and calm and things like that. And you’re trying to find your, your wellness routine and it’s not really designed for us by us. And so it’s a huge part of my , um, my daily life now. And I’m so proud of it. And I would encourage everyone if they’re curious to check out alchemy and alchemy health.com or their Instagram, which is just alchemy health, a L K E N E.
Speaker 4:
All right . I will link to that in the show notes, and I will share that with everybody in the world, because I think that’s a great resource to have once again, make Watson, thank you so much for sharing your time and your perspective with me. This has been a wonderful experience. Thank you for being here on the intentional wellbeing podcast, and we’re going to keep continuing to work together so that we can all take care of ourselves and find the path to wellbeing .
Speaker 1:
Thanks, Everett . Wow. That was such a great talk. And it just, it was like getting a therapy session and sharing it with the world. So I want to thank Megan Watson for taking the time to talk to me today and sharing what it means to show up in the world for others. And as you know, I’m a huge proponent of psychotherapy or therapy or talking our feelings out. And I hope you found this podcast helpful and useful on your journey to intentional wellbeing . If you like the podcast, it would really help us out if you like it, subscribe and comment on apple podcasts or anywhere where you’re listening to this podcast, make sure you rate it because it’s really helpful for the podcast and it gets it out there to more people. So until next time.
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.